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November 26, 2003

Legal Observers in Miami Beaten by Police.
Eight legal observers sent to monitor Miami police during trade protests were arrested; officers beat four. Their organization said Saturday as dozens of protesters were issued bond. When asked why police beat and arrested 8 legal observers that weren’t even apart of the protest, Miami police said: “What protest? We responded to a complaint that there were attorneys in the area.”

Bush Assures U.S. That Turkey Bombing Will Not Affect Thanksgiving
WHITE HOUSE – As details emerge surrounding the recent Synagogue bombings in Turkey, Whitehouse personnel scramble to reinstate holiday confidence in the U.S. population. “Your dinner plans will not be distorted nor derailed from this dreadful event.” assured Bush, “I have been told our Turkey supply has remained at a superfluous level.”

Warner Music Sells for $2.6 Bil.
A partnership led by former Universal Music chief Edgar Bronfman Jr. has agreed to buy Warner Music Group for $2.6 billion cash, creating one of the world's largest independent music companies. The announcement Monday came just hours after London-based EMI Group PLC said it had withdrawn its offer to purchase Warner Music after discovering they could get all the music for free on Kaaza.

SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - Intel Corp., the world's largest maker of semiconductors, said Monday it has built test chips using next-generation 65 nanometer technology, which would allow the company to put 10 million transistors on the top of a ball point pen. But because no one knows what the hell that means, they are reluctant to release it to the public.

Bush in London
To protest President Bush’s visit in the UK, protestors erected a statue similar to the one that Iraqis pulled down of Saddam Hussein at the end of the war. Protestors then pulled it down in similar fashion. Not to be out done by the British, Bush opponents in the U.S. plan to bury the entire Bush cabinet, Congress and the Senate like Emperor Chin terracotta soldiers after the 2004 elections.

Michael Jackson was accused last week of child molestation. 
Fans around the world showed support by holding their own vigils with one hand. Elizabeth Taylor says Michael Jackson is innocent. Well there it is. I don’t even know why they would even bother trying this case now.

Senate will decide fate of Medicare reform bill
The Senate will now decide the fate of a historic Medicare reform bill after the measure passed the House of Representatives following a long debate. This is particularly important to the upcoming presidential election and how the elderly are the only ones that have time to vote. With unemployment at a historic high, congress should be trying to pass the jobs in America bill instead.

Catholic Church Considers Michael Jackson for Sainthood
Vatican City - John Cardinal Ratzinger, chairman of the powerful Congregation for the Preservation of the Faith, announced today that the Roman Catholic Church has conferred sainthood upon controversial pop star Michael Jackson.

Georgia leader Shevardnadze Quits 
President Eduard A. Shevardnadze of Georgia acclaimed for his role in helping to end the cold war, resigned in disgrace today in the face of huge public protests over the corruption and economic collapse. The White House is waiting for the results of a new gallop poll to decide if they should follow suit.  

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