Different types of users and how to deal with them

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The bitter Network Administrator

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Different Types of Users and How to Deal with Them by Bill Bouchard End users usually fall into certain categories, most fall into several categories, and even more I wish most of them would fall off a cliff. We have delved, in the past, at some of these categories but there a some I feel we have left out.

The Ms. Cleo Users - A scenario with this kind of user sometimes, and by sometimes I mean every single time, goes like this. "I haven't been able to get into my email for two weeks". My response is always the same, have you called anyone for help and their reply usually is something to the effect of "What you guys can't just tell there's something wrong!!!" Well no we can't. The way to deal with this user is to send someone down a week later and say You've already waited two weeks what's one more.

The Paranoid - This is the user who is constantly asking you if anybody can read his mail or if anybody can see what files he has on his computer. The word Porn springs to mind when dealing with this insecure user, although it has never been conclusively proven, it's still widely believed. The way you handle these guys is to answer yes to every single question they ask. Also tell them you can see what's on their home computer too.

The Wannabees - These are the worse kind of lusers you can have. First they do something small to their computer, like change the font  or wallpaper, something small like that, then they do it for every single other person in the department. It never ends there though, they try to do everything they possible can and then do it to everyone else's computers. Next thing you know your getting called because no one in accounting can log in and they all have the same problem, all of it traced backed to Bob installing the Felix the cat program on their computers. If you are a Network Administrator and have not come across the Felix the Cat program, you are not a real Net Admin. Why are the called wannabees, because they wanna be like us, but they can't because they suck. The way to deal with these guys is to lock them down in Console One giving them no permissions and restricted them to only login to one workstation. Nothing else could piss them off more that not being able to put the picture of their dog as their wallpaper believe me.

The Clueless Tree Huggers  - Their name derives from the fact that they can never find any of their important files and that the files always are found be me, in their recycle bin, and they never, ever know how they got there. To deal with them, tell them, you won't restore the files until they tell you the truth, believe it or not, most would rather lose their files, than just to admit the deleted them.

The Barbara Walters' -  Also known as the investigators. They want to know why everything happens, for each and every error or problem they have. Little do they know we really have no idea why every lockup or GPF occurs. Why did that happen? Is it something I did? (always respond yes to that question). Will it happen again? What do I do next time? Shut the !@#$  up. Well at least that's what I'm doing. The way to handle them is say well your Dynamic Link Libraries was cross referenced by your PCI bus bridge, which caused a conflict with you Direct Memory Access controller which overloaded the kernel. They way you fix is to Remove the attributes of your USB root hub and change the interrupt of your com port which will reset your C-Mos back to your default state. The best part is when they act like they understand you.

Just wanted to contribute something it's been a [while.