Blessed are the Geeks, for they shall internet the earth

Security Boss
Douglas Chick


Network SecurityNetwork security has become top priority for the tireless network administrator. Blocking the path of a potential virus or hacker can be the difference between spending your free time at work, or spending it recreating with...well, whatever it is you do. (Most computer people are paid on salary and do not receive over-time.) Hackers, viruses, no up-to-dated backups, are personal-time robbers and must be guarded selfishly. This is why many computer people open a can of freak-out, when computer users uncaringly breach the security protocol that has been so carefully but forth by their IT manager. 

Computer users do not intentionally spread havoc across your network because they hate you; they do it because they don't care and hate you. So it is your job as "Security Boss" to put together guidelines for them to follow. In this way they can not later say, "but I didn't know". It is your job to tell them what they can and can not do on your computers, on your network, with your free time. At the company I work, I put together a computer user policy, and every employee hired is required to sign it. In this way they understand that if they break policy, they can be fired. However, after reviewing the policy for this article, I determined that is was too boring and read like VCR instructions and therefore decided to write the one below instead. 

The 10 Commandments of Computer Use:

1. Thou shall not use any company computer to browse the Internet.

In my experience 80 percent of the people within a company are afraid to use their computer to browser the Internet, where the other 20 percent openly partake in pornographic illustrations, and 80 percent of them work in the computer department. 

2. Thou shall not use any company computer to send or receive personal e-mail. 

No one follows this commandment. Everyone has an outside webmail account and do not think you can see what they are doing. This commandment is so disregarded that people that don't even know what e-mail is break it. 

3. Thou shall not open any suspicious e-mail, because even with the best anti-virus, anti-spam software, stuff still gets through. 

Not only is this commandment ignored, but I've actually had users open virus spam, and then send it to me stating that they couldn't help it because they were too curious. 

4. Thou shall not transfer files from home or between remote locations.

With the nifty invention of the memory stick, users can now transfer viruses between home and work at a much faster rate, and more of it.  

5. Thou shall not stick pictures of your children and or cats to your monitor.

This rule is in place because people that adhere cat picture to the computer monitor...well, it just bugs me.

6. Honor your network administrator and helpdesk personnel.  

Umm, okay. Too often computer users take out their frustrations on the company computer professional. This hostility is usually a result in misplaced anger that can cost the user a permanent place at the end of the help desk queue. 

7. You shall have not bring in your home computer for repairs. 

There is no higher offence than to ask your company computer staff to repair your home computer. If he or she does offer to repair such device, "do worry about it" means $125.00 an hour. .

8. You shall not covet your neighbor's computer.

You are forbidden to use any office computer that is not specifically assigned to you.

9. You shalt not swear falsely against your IT department.

Computer people are a sensitive lot and are easily hurt when accused of being lazy. And we never forget those that cause us unnecessary grief. Never...never.

10. Remember the Sabbath day.

Also remember that computer people need a day off too.

 

Hacking The IT Cube: The Information Technology Survival Guide -- Douglas Chick




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