Blessed are the Geeks, for they shall internet the earth

Computer Terms and Comprehension  
Douglas Chick

 Computer Terms

The most difficult part of any computer support position is the misusage of computer terms as used by the computer professional and computer user. Listed here are computer terms and their corresponding meanings. 

 

 

 

Your Understanding

Their Understanding

 

 

Backup: data being backed up to storage device.

 Backup: The opposite of go forward.

Cursor: Flashing pointer positioning.  

Cursor: A rap artist

Dump: Server Blue Screen

Dump: A Network Administrators work area

Defrag: Defragmentation collects streams of data and stores it together on the hard disk.

Defrag: What some religious groups claim they can accomplish with counseling.

Dongle: A device that prevents the unauthorized use of hardware or software. 

Dongle: Something that if touched in front of an end-user, may cause a sexual harassment lawsuit. 

DSL: Digital subscriber lines up to 1.5 mbps

DSL: Cable Modem

Modem: A modem is device that converts computer data into sound that can be transmitted over phone lines.

Modem: Computer case, hard drive, monitor, motherboard, mouse, keyboard, a sound that cats make while in heat.

E-mail: Electronic mail

E-mail: A medium used to send cat pictures to friends that canít have children

Emoticon: :-) 

Emoticon: Geeks that can't express feelings

Encryption: Encryption is the process of changing data into a form that can be read only by the intended receiver.

Encryption: A language used to explain computer problems to end-users. 

FAT: file allocation table

FAT: The AP department of every company in the world. And a lot of programmers as well.

Fat binary: Large files that Macintosh and Power Mac can send.

Fat binary: A very large single digit that is typically used while driving behind the elderly. 

Flash ROM: Reprogramming a new BIOS 

Flash ROM: What I'm going to do if I get fired. 

Ghosting: Copying a hard drive sector by sector

Ghosting: What I'm going to do if I get fired. 

Gigabyte: 1,073,741,824 bytes

Gigabyte: What Herb Albert went to court for.

Gopher: Helpdesk Engineer.

Gopher: An accounting clerk.

Phong shading: In 3D graphics, the polygons that make up the graphics need to be shaded.

Phong shading: When you want to wear a thong, but only have a black magic marker. 

Ping: Packet Internet Groper

Ping: The sound that the monitor makes when users bump their head against the glass. 

POP: Post Office Protocol

POP: The sound that is make the second time their head hits to monitor.

PPP: point-to-point protocol

PPP: What happens if they drink too much coffee

Public domain: Food in the lunch room refrigerator after 12:30 PM 

Public domain: Food in the lunch room refrigerator after 12:30 PM

RAID: redundant array of independent (or inexpensive) disks

RAID: Going through your desk after we fix your computer.

RAM: random access memory

RAM: Male sheep

Resolution: Resolution is a measure of graphics that's used to describe what a printer can print.

Resolution: To quit smoking and lose weight after the holidays.

Twisted pair: Telephone companies commonly run twisted pairs of copper wires to each customer household

Twisted pair: When a computer geek marries the graphic artist in marketing.

TWAIN: Scanner driver

TWAIN: Another word for locomotive.

 

Hacking The IT Cube: The Information Technology Survival Guide -- Douglas Chick




 


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