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Blessed are the Geeks, for they shall internet the earth |
Computer
Terms and Comprehension
The most
difficult part of any computer support position is the misusage of computer
terms as used by the computer professional and computer user. Listed here are
computer terms and their corresponding meanings.
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Your Understanding |
Their
Understanding |
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Backup: data being backed up to storage device. |
Backup: The opposite of go forward. |
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Cursor: Flashing pointer positioning. |
Cursor: A rap artist |
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Dump: Server Blue Screen |
Dump: A Network Administrators work area |
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Defrag: Defragmentation collects streams of data and stores it together on the hard disk. |
Defrag: What some religious groups claim they can accomplish with counseling. |
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Dongle: A device that prevents the unauthorized use of hardware or software. |
Dongle: Something that if touched in front of an end-user, may cause a sexual harassment lawsuit. |
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DSL: Digital subscriber lines up to 1.5 mbps |
DSL: Cable Modem |
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Modem: A modem is device that converts computer data into sound that can be transmitted over phone lines. |
Modem: Computer case, hard drive, monitor, motherboard, mouse, keyboard, a sound that cats make while in heat. |
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E-mail: Electronic mail |
E-mail: A medium used to send cat pictures to friends that can’t have children |
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Emoticon: :-) |
Emoticon: Geeks that can't express feelings |
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Encryption: Encryption is the process of changing data into a form that can be read only by the intended receiver. |
Encryption: A language used to explain computer problems to end-users. |
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FAT: file allocation table |
FAT: The AP department of every company in the world. And a lot of programmers as well. |
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Fat binary: Large files that Macintosh and Power Mac can send. |
Fat binary: A very large single digit that is typically used while driving behind the elderly. |
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Flash ROM: Reprogramming a new BIOS |
Flash ROM: What I'm going to do if I get fired. |
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Ghosting: Copying a hard drive sector by sector |
Ghosting: What I'm going to do if I get fired. |
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Gigabyte: 1,073,741,824 bytes |
Gigabyte: What Herb Albert went to court for. |
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Gopher: Helpdesk Engineer. |
Gopher: An accounting clerk. |
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Phong shading: In 3D graphics, the polygons that make up the graphics need to be shaded. |
Phong shading: When you want to wear a thong, but only have a black magic marker. |
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Ping: Packet Internet Groper |
Ping: The sound that the monitor makes when users bump their head against the glass. |
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POP: Post Office Protocol |
POP: The sound that is make the second time their head hits to monitor. |
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PPP: point-to-point protocol |
PPP: What happens if they drink too much coffee |
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Public domain: Food in the lunch room refrigerator after 12:30 PM |
Public domain: Food in the lunch room refrigerator after 12:30 PM |
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RAID: redundant array of independent (or inexpensive) disks |
RAID: Going through your desk after we fix your computer. |
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RAM: random access memory |
RAM: Male sheep |
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Resolution: Resolution is a measure of graphics that's used to describe what a printer can print. |
Resolution: To quit smoking and lose weight after the holidays. |
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Twisted pair: Telephone companies commonly run twisted pairs of copper wires to each customer household |
Twisted pair: When a computer geek marries the graphic artist in marketing. |
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TWAIN: Scanner driver |
TWAIN: Another word for locomotive. |
