In
Other Newz -September
2003-
An Opinionated Critical Look at The
News
by Douglas Chick
Music
industry settles 52 of 263 file-swapping lawsuits
TheNetworkAdministrator (TNA) –The recording industry on Monday
announced settlements with 52 of the 261 Internet users it sued over
allegations they illegally permitted others to download music from their
computers using popular file-sharing software. So far they’ve received,
37 piggy banks totaling $127.68, the lunch monies of 10 more until they
finish high school, and the remaining 3 were undisclosed but were quoted
as saying that the record industry are a bunch of big poopy-heads.
Stock
Buyers Swing Back Into Action
TheNetworkAdministrator (TNA)
– Stock buyers took control on Wall Street today; pulling the stock
market out of the dive that took 300 points off the Dow Jones industrial
average last week. In other news: 300 elderly people reported that their
retirement funds have vanished from their savings accounts. The feds
assigned an ex-Enron executive to head the investigation.
France,
Germany and Russia Agrees to Back U.S. Iraqi Reconstruction
TheNetworkAdministrator (TNA) – In a surprise announcement today,
France, Germany and Russia agrees to back U.S. Iraqi reconstruction
efforts, with a small provision that President Bush gets his head examined
and no one ever uses the term Benifer again, referring to Ben Affleck and
Jennifer Lopez…ever again. In
related news: Rumors have emerged from Hollywood that Ben Affleck and Anne
Hezhe might star together in a romantic comedy titled, Bengay.
The
Gallup Polls are in
TheNetworkAdministrator (TNA) – Gallup polls report that the
“majority” of Americans are pleased with the way the country is being
run into the ground, agree that gross products, stocks, and jobs needed to
be deflated, and that those that oppose soft campaign contributions,
telemarketing and question government spending, are not good Americans.
