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Blessed
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The Life of a Computer Arbitrator
Douglas Chick
 Logical
is a very natural state to be in if you're a computer. Computers communicate
with their programs and with other computers logically and they are
perfectly happy with this arrangement. Computer users are not very logical.
In fact they are anti-logical, and sometimes do things that the computer
simply doesn't understand. Because humans are so unbelievably illogical,
computers refuse to except that humans are their creators. Apple computers
however do believe that a human created them and that person is Steve Jobs,
while Apple users only see him as the the Son of God. Most computers though
are evolutionist. This is a very logical way for them to think.
Computer users as I said earlier, are not especially logical and are by most
considered anti-logical and make all of their decisions based on emotion,
faith and a person named Ms. Cleo. Because computer users are so
unbelievably illogical, computers don't generally like to have anything to
do with them and this is why sometimes they turn around and ignore them.
This may seem like an illogical thing for a computer to do, but computers
don't care, they will do it anyway. In turn, the computer user will ignore
the computer and it is time to call in a computer arbitrator.
An IT department is just a user-friendly title for Computer Emissaries of
Peace and End-user Relocation Services, or CEPERS. A CEPER or a Computer
Arbitrator, as they like to be called, often has to intervene and help come
up with a compromise between computer and user. If no compromise can be
reached between the two parties the arbitrator must make a ruling and reboot
either the computer or the computer user. In most cases the arbitrator must
be forced to side with the computer user only because in many states it's a
felony to reboot the computer user. The computer finds this judgment to be
completely illogical but once the reboot button is engaged the entire issue
is forgotten.
Computer Arbitrators are also logical, but sometimes have to do illogical
things to keep them deep in green. :-)
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